Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm just gonna take a minute and let it breeze

This is my last week of summer, and I find myself with a few voids to fill.

Firstly, I'm ridiculously anxious to go shopping for new clothes.

Secondly, I want to have an insanely unforgettable night out. One that I can imagine being accompanied by the song I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. I want to go out on the town with friends and just blow all my money (at least whatever will be left after I go shopping). Hahah.

Thirdly.. okay so I actually just have those two voids. Hmm.

Other than that, I'll take a minute to mention a recent musical obsession of mine: K'naan.

Particularly this one song called Take a Minute. It makes me fall in love with life all over again.

I wish I took the chance to meet him at the Jason Mraz concert, but at the time all I was thinking was, "Must stay by door until rain stops" Hah

"The happiness of one's own heart alone cannot satisfy the soul; one must try to include, as necessary to one's own happiness, the happiness of others." - Paramahansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

This is a perfect moment

Why? We all know perfection doesn't exist. Or does it?

Really, perfection is just ever-changing, and its changes are impossible to capture because it's always a step ahead. For example: You think to yourself, "If I add some sort of metaphor here, this poem will be perfect" or "If I buy these shoes, my outfit will be perfect" and it's true that these additions will make your creation a perfect one. But by the time you have made those changes, the idea of perfection has already been reshaped. Now, the title to the poem isn't quite right, or the bracelet that I've added to my ensemble may be a bit too much. But just because you can't quite capture perfection, doesn't mean that in that one fleeting moment, it doesn't exist.

And taking a more religious approach, if you believe in a Sublime Creator, you can also realize that while we cannot physically hold each moment, we can acknowledge that each one was specifically crafted by this ultimate being. Each one specifically catered to possessing someone's birth, someone's death, and someone's first taste of a falafel. In that sense, it's kind of perfect. It has no physical form or means of measurement, and yet contains innumerable events, and they're happening every time we stop to think about them, and every time we don't.

If we slow down and stop trying to capture a long-lasting sense of flawlessness, we can appreciate each fleeting moment for what it holds: perfection.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Haappyy birthdayyy dear meee

I'm officially starting my 17th year. It's quite odd. The usual thought at this age falls to the acquiring of a permit, starting job hunts, or the general idea of feeling older and more mature. And while I have these things in mind, I have never been more aware of my youth. In the past I've always liked the idea of adding one more tally mark to my internal chart, but am more aware that I should be soaking in every last bit of each year. Plus, if we take the average life span into account, I still have another 60 or so years. If I have gained all my current knowledge in 16 years, the thought of 60 more years of knowledge and experience is somewhat overwhelming.

But anywho, I do not want to be one of the people who say, "I wish I was 16 again. I took it for granted by trying to look, act, and feel older"

Granted, through the ages, being 16 carried different meanings. At one point, 16 meant the graduation from college for some. At another point, especially for females, 16 meant getting ready to be married. Sometimes it meant already being married and having kids.

These days everyone has their own personal idea of what 16 should look and feel like. That being said, I realize that I can look at a fellow 16 year old and have the idea that they're rushing the aging process, but then remember that they just have a different idea of what being 16 means. So when I said that I don't want to try looking, acting, and feeling older, I meant it in relation to my own personal 16 image. I don't want to rush my own natural, and equally significant idea of being a teenager.

"Ah, but I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now" - Bob Dylan

P.S. I'm finishing this at 9:20pm. I was born at 9:03pm, meaning I have been officially 16 for 17 minutes.

P.P.S. Happy Birthday to Steve Carell! Hah

Thursday, August 13, 2009

No-particular-reason update

Three days until my birthday! I can't believe I'm only turning 16. I feel so young compared to my friends (besides Deb. Haha)

Today was interesting in terms of music. I went from listening to a combination of Billie Holiday, early Dylan, and Jason Mraz. Then I went into just Billie, and soon added some Ella Fitzgerald. And then I randomly got the urge to listen to Billy Idol, which turned into an urge to listen to some 70s and 80s punk. But mainly, I got very into Billy Idol today. I wonder if it has to do with my thing with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the way they referenced Billy Idol as stealing his image from Spike. Haha

Also hung out with Lisa and we played some guitar.

I feel very on the verge of writing something, though I'm not sure what yet.

The other day, I finished Buffy, and I cried. I felt so empty. So I wrote a song about it for closure. Lmao. Yes, I wrote a song inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's not the weirdest inspiration I've gotten. I once wrote a poem after watching a Biography special of Pee Wee Herman. Haha

Yeah, that's all I got today. No particularly inspiring words. Here are some nice lyrics:

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I'm a ghetto blaster, a microphone commander, a chain reactor, when I'm in love

Hmm. Two things on my mind. Crushes and stoicism. Haha.

I recently decided to swear off love interests. Why? Well, I currently see no one worth being with. But more importantly, you can't be with someone until you can be with yourself. Going further, it is not healthy for the soul to be in love if one does not love herself/himself. Secondly, it is generally a whole bunch of unnecessary confusion. But that's where I got confused. I was trying to convince myself that it is wrong for people to base their happiness on another person, and that life is robbed of meaning when our primary focus is the attention of another. And while I still don't think it should totally consume us, I remembered that sometimes we put ourselves in pain to remind ourselves that we're truly alive. Maybe having a crush is the soul's way of proving its existence, thus giving it meaning. In this way, maybe we're all masochists. Therefore I retreat the second thought. But if it is natural for a significant interest to cause confusion and pain, I at least swear it off until I find someone who can prove to me that they're worth the confusion.

On to stoicism. Now, I'm not particularly a fan of most of the details and history. However I did find one point interesting while reading about it. It was stated by a certain philosopher that it is not things that we fear, but the idea of those things. For example, we are not frightened by death. We are frightened by the idea that death is frightening. In my case, I am not scared of the future, but rather scared of the idea that the future will be a negative one. And if it is an idea we're afraid of, well ideas can be changed, and therefore so can your fear.

That's all I have for today.

P.S. The Jason Mraz concert was this past Sunday. I don't want to use this to go into full detail, but it was amazing. I was so close to getting a backstage pass thing from a lady who was handing them out, but she ran out. I almost convinced myself to start flirting with one of the security guards for one. Hahaha. But I swore to myself that I would meet this man one day.

Saturday, August 1, 2009


I've been a teensy weensy bit obsessed with Buffy the Vampire slayer lately. I used to watch it every morning before school two or three years ago, but never saw all of the episodes. Well I recently borrowed seasons from my brother's girlfriend Kati. I finished the 4th season today but realized I couldn't get the 5th and 6th until tomorrow. I was panic-stricken. What am I to do? I asked myself over and over until I realized that I was on the brink of great boredom.

Now, I do think even boredom is taken for granted these days. One day, after having reached adulthood, we may be at a point where we cannot find one sacred moment of peace or silence. It will be at that point where we will look back upon these youthful days and resent ourselves for not appreciating the opportunity to just be bored.

However, I did not find today to be a day in which I could appreciate boredom. So I set about finding something to do. I pass on my ideas to you

1. Clean. While I am horribly unorganized, I love actually having a clean room. They say a cluttered room allows a cluttered life.
2. Listen to the most obscure and interesting combination of songs in your media player. Mine were You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch, Satisfaction by Benny Benassi, Take a Chance on Me by ABBA, and Superstition by Stevie Wonder.
3. Decorate something in quotes. I chose a deflated happy face balloon that was bought for me in June. I didn't finish mine yet though.
4. Study something. I looked over my driver's manual and went into philosophy. Notice how I strategically avoided my summer reading.
5. Dress up. It's not just for 8 year olds, but now can successfully entertain anyone who is dying for something to do. I perfected a girl version of Jim Morrison's (The Doors) look.
6. Stare at a lava lamp. Obviously only works if you own a lava lamp. Do not attempt to stare at a pretend lava lamp. Over-heating of this pretend lamp will cause your brain to explode and you will go insane.
7. Write. Yesterday, I wrote a melody. I only wrote a chorus today, but it did successfully preoccupy me.
8. Learn how to do something. eHow and WikiHow are among my most visited sites because of the random things I always look up. Teach yourself anything from beatboxing to knitting. Today I learned how to meditate on chakras

"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom" - Thomas Carlyle

P.S. I would choose Spike of Buffy the Vampire Slayer over Edward of Twilight any day. He's a hunk of danger with a british accent and gut-splitting humor. And he doesn't sparkle.